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Syaa
Hii
Rawr And I continue to write the love story... |
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Totally in despair right now. Full of regrets but to think of it, I'd rather not. Truthfully, I was regret for not studying real hard for my O level. I took it as if I will sure PASS and get myself to Polytechnic. I was too engrossed with my art and craft because I THOUGHT that if I'd concentrate on my art and received A1 in art, I could easily got myself to Poly, but I was totally wrong. D7 for English,Maths and Combine Science couldn't help me make it to Poly. I SHOULD have studied and concentrate more on the core subjects, not my art. The biggest regret ever because I knew that if I were to concentrate on my core subjects, I could have make it to Poly. Oh well, make this as a lesson to be learned by me. I really let myself down, I swear. No one knows how I feel right now, not even my parents. As the matter of fact, they can never understand me. So for now, let me just heed my parents advice and listen to them. Chemical Technology is not bad after all. I am proud of myself that I ATLEAST got a place in ITE college East and will be studying Chemical Technolgy a NEW COURSE in JAE. Everything happens for a reason. I wouldnt be keeping grudges at myself for not going to Poly NOW because I know that I WILL make it to Poly ONE DAY, maybe after I complete my 2 years course in ITE. Insya'allah. I've learned my mistake and I will make sure that I will NOT repeat the same mistakes TWICE. Once is enough. I am still feeling dissapointed but hey, this is not THE END. Infact, it's just the beginning so I better start of WELL. Many people said that MOST of the students who entered ITE will be influence by the peers around them but let me make this clear to everybody.. I AM NOT ONE OF THEM & I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG! FULLSTOP. I will make full use of my time in ITE to study hard and get myself to Poly to further my studies. Ilmu itu boleh didapati dimana-mana. I will never stop learning. Knowledge is everything. You will never bring money with you once you're dead but knowledge will follow you till the very last breath of yours. So now that I am still exist in this world, I will not stop studying and SAYA TAK AKAN PUTUS ASA. I will NOT GIVE UP. To those who are taking O level this year. Two word for you: STUDY HARD. It's not as easy as you thought. If possible, focus more on your CORE subjects. It will help ALOT! Till here then. tata
7:29 AM
Yours truly.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Why must I feel this way?? Why must I think this way?? Why must I be a pessismistic?? Why am I feeling angry??? Why??? Why can't I STOP thinking that SHAHRIN & HIDAYAH are meant to be together??? Maybe not now but in the future?? WHY MUST I THINK THAT WAY???? KNAPER SIOL NGAN AKU??? KENAPER?????KENAPER LAH SETAN??? He keep bumping into "her" & he talks about "her". Maybe he was just trying to share but why must I take it personal??? Amybe sbab aku dah simpan terlalu lamer perasaan nie. Actually, mmg aku tak kesah rein bobual pasal dayah but as the day goes on, I THOUGHT the stories about rein&dayah will STOP but NEVER. I'm FCUKING JEALOUS!! Saper suker seii mataer sndiri bobual pasl EX dier. Confirm shahrin pon tk suker per aku bobual pasal ex aku? Btol tk btol??? Beh tadi dudok pat tangge ngan fara, almost ALL THE CONVERSATIONS were about "THEM". Hot sia dgr. But nvm, I tried to play it cool. I know how much of HELL shahrin had gone thru when he was with dayah but dont have to talk about the past yeah??? The more he talks about her, the more HURT I am. FCUK!! Aku nie emo keper sia! Maybe PMS kot!! BUT WTH!!!!
5:32 AM
Yours truly. Current Mood: MOODLESS. I just don't know why but the moment we talked about YOUR past relationship with Hidayah, I was like WTH!!! C'mon man!!!! What past is already past!! I know, maybe you were just sharing your experience you went tru with Hidayah to me & you really mean no harm BUT is it compulsory??? My heart sank deeper & deeper but no way Im going to show it. I try to play cool and try to go with the flow. Be honest with me, tell me if YOU like it when I talked about MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS with my ex??? I don't think you like it because the moment I shared with you about my ex, your tone changed. Your tone is " I'm not interested " kinda tone and I soon realised that it was really my fault for talking about my ex because it is a big NO NO to talk about our past relationship with your current partner. How would they feel? AARRGH FCUK LAHHHHH. STUPID MINDSET OF MINE!
4:29 AM
Yours truly.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
I know that your previous relationship was hell. Basically because you and your ex did a lot of fighting. Apparently not just fights, but cat fights. Which mean, either you or your ex get injured. I felt so guilty, very guilty when we first fought over small matters. I know you really don't want to fight somemore because you've had enough with the previous relationship of yours. And for that, I felt so guilty for fighting with you on that particular morning. You must be thinking that I was having a bad flue that morning right? But let me revealed the truth. I wasn't having a bad flue. Apparently I had just stopped from crying and weeping. I felt so wrong, I swear! I felt so guilty that I just cried badly. I just failed to make you feel happy on that day. Firstly was because I spoiled your morning by rejecting to meet you up at Al Ameen. & for that you cancelled your plan with Helmie. I was bloody guilty and how I wish I could kneel down on my kness and said sorry to you thousands of time. I just felt like hugging you so tightly that I don't want to let you go. And I am absolutely sorry for what had happened that night. You should know what. I had no intention to make you feel jealous but I just want to be honest with you. Up till this very moment, I still feel very guilty. I just feel like smashing my head on the walls and asked myself WHY AM I BEING SO STUPID?? I FEEL STUPID and I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. Shahrin, You will never know how much you mean to me, because I can never pen down my feelings for you. BAsically, you are MY EVERYTHING. Everyday before I tuck in to bed, I always think..will you be mine??? I am just so scared to lose you and that's my biggest fear. Rest assured that I will hold your hands forever and never will I let it go but I've been wondering..will you do the same?? I Love you soo much that I can never stop thinking of you. Living my day without you is like a morning without breakfast, it's not complete. Be it you are feeling sad, angry, selfish or you are feeling the worst in your life..I still LOVE YOU. I don't care IF one day, your feelings for me fade away..I will still LOVE YOU like always. I am not going to let go of you. I don't want you because I NEED YOU. I will never cry for you because I WOULD DIE for you. If only you know how much you really mean to me. I just couldn't bare to see walk away in my life..Please tell me you'll never. I DONT WANT TO LOSE YOU. From the first day That I saw your smiling face Honey, I knew that we would be together forever Ooh when I asked you out You said no but I found out Darling that you'd been hurt You felt that you'd never love again I deserve a try honey just once Give me a chance and I'll prove this all wrong You walked in you were so quick to judge But honey he's nothing like me I'll never break your heart I'll never make you cry I'd rather die than live without you I'll give you all of me Honey that's no lie As time goes by you will get to know me A little more better Girl that's the way love goes And I know you're afraid To let you're feelings show And I understand But girl it's time to let go I deserve a try honey Just once Give me a chance and I'll prove this all wrong You walked in you were so quick to judge But honey he's nothing like me Darling why can't you see No way, no how I'll never make you cry... SHAHRIN, I CINTAKAN U.
10:52 PM
Yours truly. |
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