Love locked down

Sunday, June 29, 2008

I'm sta

In life, you will never have the vision when your love one will go. Today, I learned how to treasure my family. No one in this world knows when they are dying. Maybe tomorrow? or even now!! Talking about death, I'm starting to feel the chill running down my spine. what!! lol. I mean, who doesnt?? I am soo afraid of dying okayy. Well, I just don't want to think about it too much. Period.

Well, maybe I just don't want to describe how my day goes today. The thing is, I don't want to talk about it either. lol. It's hard to be SYAHIRAH. hahahahaha. I want to enjoy life and live every of my life to the fullest. I want to be the primary school SYAHIRAH. She enjoyed every day of her life back then. Nothing or no one stopped her from doing what she love, for example, SPORTS. She's bubbly and cheerful. No worries at all. Besides that, she's very fit and very active. She doesn't care what people want to say about her as long as she's happy. She's a good leader and loves to help and volunteer. I envy her, like alot. I envy myself.

Now, I want to find my happiness back but how can happiness be found? and where? I think I need to learn to love my life now and all the things that I do today. I must not dwell on the past because it restrict me from exposing myself more to the public.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

6:17 AM
Yours truly.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Started my day by sms-ing girlfriend nadiah. Text her where and what time to meet. Went out at 12.45 and met nadiah over at pending bus stop. Took 700 to town and was surprised to see Zimah and her boyfriend in the bus too.They sat at the back of the bus, listening to mp3. hahahaha.

I slept in bus. Sleepy. Nadiah slept too but she woke me up as soon as we reached our destination. Nadz, Zimah, Radz and myself waited for Izzi and Imran outside Wisma Topshop outlet. In a few minutes time, they arrived and off to hunt for Baby Mikayla's present.

I was pretty much SAD and DISSAPOINTED that boyfriend did not tag along with me today. So I dated with Nadiah instead of boyfriend. Hmmffh!!! I guess I can't blame him though. I was filled with so much of envy today. How would you feel if two of your girlfriends brought along their boyfriend for shopping and you did not?? Definitely you will feel jealous am I right?? Looking at them with their boyfriends really make me to have the urge of being with boyfriend. C'mon, I saw them together with their boyfriend holding hands..hugging and stuff. Argh whatever. Talking about this can make me go insane. When can I really bring my boyfriend along out for a shopping with girlfriends and they boyfriends. Wait long long sia Irah. I guess I have to stop trying my best to ask boyfriend out on Saturday. The more I try, the more dissapointed and angry I will get. UUUrrrgghhh. I hate that fact siaa, I really do okayy!!!!! Supposingly, from what I know..saturday is usually the " couple day " and Sunday will usually be " family day ". Correct me if I'm wrong. Yeah whatever Irah. Just try and accept it aite. I will stop putting hopes. Period.

OOOOMMMMMMMMMMM OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM...I'm doing yoga. hahaha. to ease my mind and cool myself down. best per!!!! Hahahahahaha. Simple said, just go with the flow lahh okayy. haiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. k lah. Off to watch part two of The Two Towers. toodles.

6:35 AM
Yours truly.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Please say that you will accompany me

tomorrow baby dear. Pls oh pls oh pls..

If can't than it's alright then..

but I would be very happy if you could..

k bye.

6:17 AM
Yours truly.

Conversations are cut short.10 minutes and after that, hung up. No specific topics to talk about. Very quiet. I've been trying to live with it and yes, I did. Maybe situation does not allow us to have the long conversation that I have been longing for. Is it you? or is it me?? What worsen the condition is having you not being able to text me. Prepaid low. Everytime when my handphone beep, the first name I really hope to see on my hp screen is " hubbyku ", but I was always turned down. I seriously miss it, like ALOT. I am not trying to be unreasonable or not understanding but I just want to express my thoughts out. If i'm not being understanding, I would have been pestering you to top up your prepaid card since the first day your prepaid went low, because I hate not to have any communication with you. Communication is the key for every good relationship. I don't want perfect relationship but I just hate not to be able to contact with you. I am not trying to be dependant on you or worst, clinging around you for 24 hours but sometimes, I just need your attention. That's all. Attention seeker, am I? Hmmmm. Idk. hahahaha.

Well I've been thinking. Is it me who talk less or is it you who talk less in every conversation we had on the phone? How I wonder. Hmmmmm. Oh well, just live with it. Will get used to it over a period of time. Im sorry if I always wants to be with you dear.. I will try and lessen it aite. I will try to be independant yeah. hahahaha.

Ooooh!! My head is aching and spinning. How I have always detest it. Nyahahaha. Who doesnt?? lol.

I turned 17 last wednesday. I have already made some promises to myself and I will try to achieve it, insya'allah. I don't want to live my life like how I used to live it when I was 16 years of age. I need to change for the better.

" If I am in a wrong, I will admit it and If I am right, I will just shut my mouth up ". I'm going to try to hold on to those words above. My mindset will be different now. How different?? It's like this...

1) Family and Religion ( insya'allah) is my first priority.

2) Followed by myself.

3) and then my education

4) relationship and last but not least

5) My friends. nyeahahaha!!!

I am getting older as day passed, not younger. I'm growing, not shrinking. I will be adults one day, not toddler. Things have to change. Period. I must know how to choose between the good apple and the rotten one. I must be able to differentiate between good or bad. Somehow, someday...my life will flash upon my eyes and I am going to make sure that it's worth watching. My life, my MOVIE..

" I am not afraid to keep on living...and I am not afraid to walk this world alone..", taken from the song Famous Last Word by Chemical Romance. BUT why am still afraid of the dark?? Idk why. Hahahahaha.

Words may be poisonous but I must try not to let the poisonous words bring me down. People have their own philosophy and conspiracy..respect it and live with it.

Making the right choice is hard and living life the right way is never too easy. Hurdles and bumps are anywhere and disaster may strike on me anytime. That's how life works. Isn't it?? Everything happens for a reason. I must learn to accept it for it's not a bad omen. Set backs happen and it doesnt mean FAILURE. Set backs happen because it wants us to get up on our feet again and be strong to face the reality. Don't give up Irah. That is not the way how I should live my life, that is to give up. Life is not an illusion nor fantasy. It's reality.

hahahaha. Okayy. Finally, I'm done motivating myself.

THE END.

4:11 AM
Yours truly.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Asal ngan kau sial??? Nak tunjuk sarcasm pat aku?? Jealous per?? Lau jealous blang ahh. Tak yah nk tukar topic nie smuer. hahahaha. Aku tau uhh kau jealous sbab aku ader mataer paling sweet dari kau kan..ehk? kau ader mataer ker?? Oh sorry. blom lagi mejadi..WAKAKAKAKA. Kau nk main sarcasm ngan aku? aku no sweat sial!!!!! Tapi piker2 balek kan..TAK PAYAH sua!! Aku tk nak buang mase aku dgn nie smuer. Kau dah 18. Dah besar tapi prangai mcm sial ar. . Aku happy sial tgk kau jealous...HAPPY GILER DOK.. Nurul nurul....hahahaha!! Aku mampu ketawer jek sial...hahahahahaha. Kau nak tunjok evil side kau?? Uh tunjuk uhh...siket pon tk heran.. aku pon ader evil side aku..nk tgk???? HAHAHAHAHAHA. DAH ar ehk.....aslkan kau bahagia. ADIOZ!!!!!!

1:46 AM
Yours truly.

Friday, June 20, 2008

"EVEN THE EASIEST THING CAN TURN OUT TO BE
HARD IF YOU DID NOT PUT YOUR HEART AND SOUL IN

DOING IT. "

I was browsing through Anisah's blog a few minutes ago. She just came back from a holiday at Pulau Tioman. There's pictures of Pulau Tioman and it was extremely gorgeous.

What I'm trying to imply here is that, I've been craving for a holiday at any Island. I love to snorkel and I am really so into it. I love the sands and the beautiful beaches and also the coconut trees. My cousins have also just came back from an Island at Terengganu.I envy them alot okayy. Gosh!! When will it be my turn then?? Perhaps, this coming december?? Hopefully!

Alright, drop that subject. I have just finished revising biology. I wrote notes regarding the Nutrition in Plants. Having flue, bad cough and a fever seriously test my patience, again. I was nearly going to give up and just forget about mugging, but I didn't. Hahaha. Thank God!!! I will be going to see doctor tomorrow, hopefully everything will turn out fine. * praying hard.

Alright then, I am out of topics here and I guess it will be better if I end the post here. So toodles.

6:17 AM
Yours truly.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

If only there would be ONE, SINGLE purpose in life, wouldn't it be better??? I could have just focus my mind on ONE thing and of course, there is no need for me to juggle so many things in my life.

Seriously, I am pretty bad at juggling my time with education and my passion. I want to excell in both career but I know that it's going to be a tough job. I need to be good at balancing my time. Haiyaaaaa.. I'm bad at it. Hahahahaha.

Okayy..I shall stop here. I wanna write more but I rather not because I am too engrossed watching muay thai girls video. woohooo!!!! Cya!

8:03 AM
Yours truly.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

To my dearest Mother,

I am truly sorry for today. I did not hold my words and I felt guilty for it. I wanted to get out from that fucking room and just proceed to Woodland with you but I just can't and you know why. I am sorry mum, I am truly sorry. I know you tried your very best to cheer me up but I guess I was too [ fill in the blank ] to go out. I hope you understand. I was like a solitary figure.

I am sorry Ibu.

I locked myself in the prayer room for one whole day. I slept. I was too exhausted of [ fill in the blank ]. I talked to myself and I think and think and think until I fell asleep. Muhammad woke me up at 7 plus, I think. There's a call for me and it's from boyfriend. I was sooooo HAPPY that we will be going to West Coast Park tomorrow morning. I've been longing to go there with him and I am soo excited now!! Ooooohh I truly cannot wait. =)

5:36 AM
Yours truly.

Monday, June 16, 2008

* MY WISHLIST =)

1) New Necklace

2) New Tops

3) *JEEEAAANNNSSSS

4) BOHO sandals

5) *Nike Ladies Shoe

6) *Hoodie jacket

6:55 AM
Yours truly.

I learned alot this month. About life, school, relationship, friendship and family. Life is treating me hard currently with just a week to relax and losen myself from school work. I still need some time to get back my study mood, but to think of it again, I shall not waste my time slacking.

It has been an emotional week for me and believe me, it's awful.
I want to apologize to boyfriend for making a promise not to cry every night again
but I don't fulfill it. I don't mean any harm but I seriously tried my best not to give in to my emotions. I just need to cry in order to feel better. The rest is better left unsaid. Peace. =)

I'm struggling with life and I know that the difficulties, hardships and trials of life are a positive blessings sent to me. They knit the muscles more firmly and teach me self-reliance. I am not going to give up. I will just look on the bright side of life but seriously, I need to break free from the " emotional chain ". I want to have freedom, being able to do everything that I love without no strings attached.

I learned how to be patience this month. That is the most valuable lesson I've learnt so far. Oh well, I guess I will end the post here. Im actually BRAIN DEAD. hahhahahaha. I struggle while writting this post okayy!!!!hahaha

5:33 AM
Yours truly.

Friday, June 13, 2008

[ this post dont mean any harm to anyone, im just expressing my emotions. can right? ]

Dearest Shahrin,

To be honest, I've been crying for 5 days straight. Mostly, I cried at night when syu is sleeping and while I'm taking my shower. That's why I've been covering my eyes with thick eye liner because without it, my eyes looks like goldfish eyes. hahahahaha. Ok Ok serious.

I cried because I feel so sad. I don't know if it's my emotions that is playing with me but I just feel that we're no longer happy like we used to be. That is what I feel. I seriously miss EVERYTHING!!!! Is it me who always think negative or what?? I pon tk tau seii b. I've been very strong but I just need to cry in order to feel better. I dont want to think negative and I really really tried my very best but somehow, negative thoughts starts to occupied my brain and I fucking hate it. Not only that, I feel that you are treating me differently. This is what I feel lah kan. I rase mcm u da mls nk layan i and u mcm tkder mood everytime u meet me. I can really feel the difference seii but I don't know whether this has got to do with my negative thoughts or my real feeling. I just feel that I dont get your attention anymore seii. Ntah lah syg..I have no idea why im feeling so insecure. Don't you think and feel that we're just not that happy and sweet anymore?? I feel it. How bout you?? I know I'm very irritating, suker buang duit, childish and more but that's my flaws and Im trying my best to work on it. I need time to change and I really mean it when I say I WANT TO CHANGE. And I also feel that your love towards me is decreasing and if it's true, I dont blame you. I blame myself. Haaaaaaiiizzz, I dont want to cry anymore. I'm tired of shedding so many tears. I'm tired of living with goldfish eyes. Hahahahaa.
B, if I really need to change my attitude, pleeeeaaasse tell me dear. I would do ANYTHING for you. ANYTHING.

As you always know. YOU are very special to me and you are VERY SPECIAL and MEANINGFUL to me. And I mean VERY. I've never love someone soo much before until I met you. I know you are being strict to me because I know you want to help me change and I understand that. SOmetimes, I just feel that I'm a useless girlfriend to you and I am just a burden in your life. I seriously hate to think negative and I want to STOP thinking negative but I need some confidence in me. I dont want to live under the shadow of negative thoughs. Dearest Shahrin, I love you soooooooo much and I would give my life for you. You are the only one that I feel most comfortable with and I am so used to be with you that even a day without you can turn my life into disaster. I really need you in my life because I live my life for you. You may think that I'm crazy but I dont care because I know that I love you and it's sincere, you know it. Haizz. I hate to cry, even now when I'm typing. My emotions is tearing me apart. Don't get it all wrong, Im just trying to tell you my deepest feeling, not complaining. I want to feel better. Haaiizz. Thats about it.

Baby, don't let me go dear. I love you sooooo much and I mean SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!! I cant bare to lose you.

4:41 AM
Yours truly.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHH!!! SOOOBBXX!!! SOOOBBXX!!!! HAAAAIIZZZZZZZZZ....

7:02 AM
Yours truly.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Allah all mighty is giving me a test. A test that test my patience,faith,determination and my strength. The most tedious and complicated test among all the test that I've been through before. I can't find any helping hands from anyone else in this world except from HIM, Allah the all mighty.

The year of 2008 is snatching away all my precious things AGAIN. I've had enough of last year disaster but I will be going through it again this year.FUCK. I am not trying to be emoshit, I'm just here to share whats on my mind and how I am feeling.

I feel the lost. Lost of everything I used to have. The company, activities, vibe, sports and everything that I love and treasure.

I miss my softball trainings, softball tournaments,softball players,coaches,gloves,balls,intensive trainings and more. Moreover, I miss the joy and the laughter of the team the most. I also miss myself having a good stamina, hand toning and not to forget, my stomache abs. I feel very weak this year. Very PATHETIC. I have no sports to keep me healthy. No trainings to keep me fit. No competitor. Somehow, I am not what I used to be. I want to be that active and competitive girl again. That is ME, SYAHIRAH.

I miss school activities. Cross country, sports day, teacher's day, concert, national day, school parade and more. Those activities somehow made my life so lively you see, compare to this year. Very dull and boring. No Life.

I miss the company, especially izzianie, mas and sasha. Not to forget, my rowdy and fun class, 4E5. I miss the bitching sessions I had with the 3 babes, and also the baking and cooking at sasha's crib. I miss the jokes and the laughters the most, like duhh!!!! I also miss the hang outs we had after school. Skipping extra lessons and scolding from teachers, chatting with Mr Ng is greatly missed by me. I miss ALOT of things. I can never forget art lesson. That's the best eventhough it might be very stressful. I miss the cooking of maggie, painting, cutting, scolding from ms cheryl, printing, colouring and more!!!

All of the things I miss above add LIVE to my life. It completes everything. In this world, the small little things that we did IS the extraordinary things that will be missed by alot of people. BUT some people don't realised. I realised it and that is the main reason why I am acting like this. I am like a solitary figure with no heartbeats. It's like, I am not ALIVE. Get it??

SPORTS, ACTIVITIES, FRIENDS, is my HEARTBEATS. It keep me alive and lively. Without them, I feel so incomplete. What I have described above was 3 years back. When I was in sec 1, 2, 3 and half of sec 4.

I hate the way I lead my life this year. I have NOTHING. No sports, company, activities and more. And therefore, I am not being MYSELF!! Everything I do is so PRIVATE. That is the the reason why I hate private school. No life at all. The people are BOOOORING and MATREP/MINAH REP. I hate them. They are a bunch of lame people. Sick in the head. Very irritating.

There are lessons everyday! Boring lessons with boring classmates!! WTH!!! I can't live with it because I don't live my life in that situation. No activities at all!!!! uuuurghhh!!!! Obviously there's no sports to keep me fit and healthy, because it's PRIVATE. Fuck the word PRIVATE laah!!!!!! Im not ANTI-SOCIAL okayy and I dont mix with lame and boring people. Blueak!!!!!

And I'm still living under O level shadow AGAIN and Im with ZIMAH and NADZ AGAIN!! Urrghh!! I want something new in my life this year laahhh. My classmates is not ACTIVE and SPORTY at all laahh. I dont want to be in that school!! Boohooo!!!! Banyak muker MLAYU sak!! Aku bukan racist seii..

Oh yar, you people may think that I have ZIMAH and NADZ right?? Let me tell you, from my experienced and observation..THEY are not my friends. To be exact, they are my GREATEST ENEMY and my COMPETITORS. A negative competitor I must say. They dont fit to be my competitor at all lahh. They are not worth fighting for. They dont fit the bill. =) And to have them as my classmates just worsen the situation. Best per!!! Best kebabai!!!!

BUT, BUT, BUT..those explanation above does not mean that I blame the school, the classmates. Infact, I blame myself because it is ME who let it happen. If I were to study hard last year, I would be in Polytechnic with brand new life and brand new friends, new sports to take part and ALOT of activities to participate. The " private life " won't happen. I am MAD, FURIOUS, IRRITATED at myself for letting this happen. And NOW, I am dwelling on it which is NOT OKAYY!!!!! Bla bla bla bla....HAIZZZZ.....

PHEW!!! Everything is out, I guess. So I shall end it here then. Toodles.

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!!

1:29 AM
Yours truly.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

It is 12.08 midnight now and I'm still awake. Tomorrow is my maths mid year paper. I'm tensed. After updating this post, I will be continuing my maths practice on certain maths topic. After that, I am all prepared for tomorrow's event.

I went mugging with boyfriend this afternoon, at Starbuck. I bought caramel frap for the both of us and I hate it. Hahahahaha. I drank one quarter of it and the rest of the liquid is now at boyfriend's stomache. Probably it has been digested. Hahahahaha.

I went crazy while mugging. I couldn't really focus with what I did. The thoughts of winning zimah for maths was so strong that it disturbed my mind from focusing. I stopped practicing and talked to boyfriend. Believed me, I was VERY MAD. Boyfriend knew how mad I was this afternoon.

Fear of defeats. Thats me, but I guess I have to stop fearing of it. Failure is the mother of success. I cannot be perfect because NOTHING is perfect. I must learn to accept my mistakes and work on it, not dwell on it. The secret of life is to fall 7 times and to get up 8 times. Making mistakes or failing doesn't mean THE END. So for tomorrow's maths test, I will give my best. The way I practice today will somehow show my results later. If the results is negative, that means I need to work extra harder. Everything happens for a reason. In life, there's purpose.

And now, I would like to end my post and continue mugging for a lil bit more and I'm done for tonight. Sleep tight earthlings. May god bless all of you.

9:09 AM
Yours truly.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Oh my babe
Oh my love
Ooooh

Early was the morn, flowers filled with dew
I became somebody through loving you
Softly as a child, born in natural rain
I predict the seasons to go unchanged

Sometimes in life you run across a love unknown
Without a reason it seems like you belong
Hold on dear life
Don't go off running from what's due
I became somebody through loving you

Warm was the sun
That covered my body so
Reminding me of you as I'd first known
Those were the days
The days that changed my life
That made me knew
I became somebody through loving you

Sometimes in life you run across a love unknown
Without a reason it feels like you belong
Hold on dear life
Don't go off running from what's due
I became somebody through loving you

As the sun shines down on me
I know with you in love is where I want to be
Oh sometimes I go on through life thinking
That love is something that's not meant for me
Woah, somebody, somebody

Hold on dear life
Don't go off running from what's due
I became somebody through loving you
I became somebody through loving you
I became somebody through loving you
oooh

3:14 AM
Yours truly.

K, I seriously need to make NEW FRIENDS.

I still feel sucky for screwing up my O level sia. If I had studied last year, I would have been in polytechnic and make new friends already. I want to make new friends sia. Im sick and tired of my old friend of mine. Their words can't be believed, I swear!!! Fuck lah..zimah and nadz lau ajak ngok wyg susah sak!!! Lau dorang nk ngok wyg ngan org lain boleh tau, biler part me and izzi jek, mesti ader alasan yg tak munasabah sak. Mepek bodoh!!!! Nie mcm J per!!! Bobual konek uhh satu-satu. Yang si zimah nak step pandai, Nadz plak very booooooooooring asyik kuar ngan kwn baru dier yg tk btol tu. Aper nk jadi sia. Where's the bonding we used to have during our secondary school seii. I hate private life!!! I want to be in my secondary school life back sia!! Tgk jek ar..lau next year aku dapat masok poly, korang due aku abaikan uhh sial. Aper2 jgn carik aku for nasihat uhh k..Imma move on with my life and just don't give a fucking care with them anymore. Tkper, diorang take advantage ngan aku. Satu hari, aku tkder kasi chance lagik uhh. U want my respect, you have to gain it. Jgn ingat aku diam2 bermakna aku kosong. Fuck sial ader kawan-kawan mcm nie. Satu-satu tk leh harap btol! Mintak kene pakai sak ngan aku!!! Gi mampos uhh ngan diorang!!!!! Malas nk layan lagik..Korang just lead with your own life while I lead mine kiez...

To Zimah,

Aku tau uhh kau nak step maner nyer pandai during maths tuition. Tkper uhh kan, suker hati kau nk buat aper. Sometimes, you're being too over confidence. Dah lah english exam pkai words aku. Cheap btol!!! Im gonna make sure that I WILL BEAT YOU IN MATHS MID YEAR LATER. I'll prove to you who is better. MAY THE BEST GIRL WIN kiez. oooohhh, I love this!!! Let the game begin!!!

To Nadz,

Aku cumer nk kau pndai pilih kwn. Be in the correct peers. Taking care.

2:47 AM
Yours truly.

I don't need me a basketball player
All I need is somebody that's down for me
And he don't have to have money
His love is just like honey
It's so sweet to me
He can have anything in this world
But he sacrificed it all for me
And I made up my mind
I'm in love this time
And it feels so real

[chorus]

And I know that he won't break my heart
And I know that we won't ever part
It's time, time for us to settle down
And I wanna be with him forever
They can say that I am crazy
For making him my baby
But that's how it's gon' be
See, I done been through many changes
But this one, I ain't changing
This one's staying the same
I can have everything in this world
But I sacrificed it all for him
And I made up my mind
I'm in love this time
And it feels so real

[chorus]

[bridge]
I love you
And all of the things that you do
Oh baby, please
I need you (I need you)
So believe me (I do)
I do (ooh)
Cause I love you (I love you)
And every little thing, baby (you do)
No, no, ooh, whoa, ooh
They don't know how I feel
Cause I know this is real

[chorus 2x]

2:12 AM
Yours truly.

HaHaHaHaHa....

I am back again..but using lappie this time.

Dad is away to somewhere, i don't want to know. =)

I am currently waiting for my potatoes to be cook, and then cut them into small dice, put them in a bowl, throw some chopped onion, squeeze some lemon juice and last but not least, mix them with mayonaise AND it is ready to be serve just for myself. =) wooohoooo. Yummy keper!!!

I thought of going west coast park today but I suddenly feel like staying at home and rot. Watch tv, eat my potato salad and do some maths practice. I am also going over to my auntie's crib later and sleep over there for one night, but later on, around 7 plus I think.

I seriously cannot wait for next Tuesday. Girlfriends and I will be watching movie, The Kungfu Panda. I miss my girlfriends and it has been ages since we watch movie together. wooohooo!!!!!! Kungfu Panda, Kungfu Panda!!!!!!

Tomorrow's Sunday and if possible, I will be going over to Cathay Cineleisure to apply work there. I bumped into Mas yesterday and she told me that she is currently working at Cathay Cineleisure. I asked her if there's any vacancy left ahe beautifully, she said YES. Boyfriend approved me of working and I think I will be going over to apply. =) Insya'allah.

Oh Yes!!! Finally!!! My potato salad is all ready to be serve. Woohooo!! Okie den. I shall stop here and have my late lunch. Yummy. Toodles humans.

12:39 AM
Yours truly.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Misses:

1) Sentosa-ing with girlfriends.

2) Movie-ing with girlfriends.

3) Town-ing with girlfriends.

4) Feeding fishes at wcp with bf.

5) Esplanad-ing with Raudhah.

6) Sleep overs.

7) SPORTS!!!!

8) Eating Ben&Jerry's with boyfriend.

9) Outing with boyfriend.

" I'm not the type of person who loves to rot at home. That is

not me!!! I love to go out and have fun, be it studying or window-shopping.

I want to be me and I miss everything I used to do. I want to play

sports!!! I want to chill at Sentosa. I want! I want! I want! "

" It has always been about YOU, YOU and YOU!!!

What about me??? "

I am left with 3 more papers and I'm done with exams. Maths paper

will commence on Monday while Humanities falls on Thursday. I am

so craving for holidays already. I want to wake up late and I want to

free my mind from studies. Uuuuurrgghh.

I'm currently alone at home. My parents and siblings are over at

granny's crib and soon, they will be proceeding over to my aunt's crib.

Momsie, sis and lil bro will not be coming back home tonight. They will

be sleeping over at auntie's crib. I'm ALL ALONE AGAIN tonight!!

FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK!!! Ader kawan pon tk guner sak!! Satu2 ajak kluar

blajar pon tk free...tk gune btol!!!!! Dah lah monday exam!!! Binget sak!!

Aku pi umah mak cik aku, tido saner pon baik uhh!!!!! Hilang ckit stress

aku...Alah, dah biaser dah ngan stress2 nie smuer!!!!!

FROM NOW ONWARDS, I WILL STAND FOR

MY OWN RIGHTS AND NO ONE CAN CHANGE ME
EXCEPT 4 MY OWNSELF!!!! I LEAD MY OWN LIFE AND
I WILL DO WHAT I LOVE!! NO ONE IS GOING TO

CHANGE THAT!!! I STICK TO MY DECISIONS AND WHEN I
SAY NO, IT MEANS NO!!! I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE FACE

TO ANYONE ANYMORE. I'M KIND AND THEY TAKE MY
KINDNESS FOR GRANTED. I CAN BE PATIENCE AND
THEY ALSO TAKE MY PATIENCE FOR GRANTED. IM
TOO NICE ALREADY. TIME TO CHANGE.

10:52 PM
Yours truly.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Hold On, Dear Life.

Life. It is the most tedious test ever ain't it? Sometimes you're at the top and sometimes you're at the bottom. Nothing is perfect but we, as a humans sometimes ask for more. I tried to understand the meaning of life and yes, I did. Well, let's just stop talking about life shall we? Ok best. =)

The month of may has finally came to an end. It has been a roller coaster ride for me BUT with extra loops. Get it? HaaaHaaaa. So many things has occured in my life. I'm drained. Well, let the month of May be a history. Ok go!!!! Goodbye MAY and Welcome JUNE. I am looking forward to the month of june. Not because my birthday falls on this month itself but I am very excited on the upcoming journey of my life. Is it going to be smooth? rough? bumpy ?unpredictable? Hahaha. I don't know. Let's just go with the flow and wait. Kekekekeke...INTERESTING. I'm VERY EXCITED. =)

" Bersusah2 dahulu, bersenang2 kemudian. God!!! It's tough!!"

4:43 PM
Yours truly.