I had my O level english oral examination today. I had it at Unity Secondary school, very near from my house. Before I went for my oral, I met with boyfriend. We went to study over at bpp library. I studied biology and the revision I had just now was not enough! lol. I need more revision to absorb half of the topics. Pathetic? I know. =)


Speaking of oral, I don't want to say I did it well nor bad. Let the examiners do their job. I gave my best. =) My prelims will commence tomorrow. English first follow by the rest of the subjects.
I am looking forward to it because this is the only way for me to see whether all my hardworks pays off.


Fasting month is on it's way now. I am so excited.

Nothing more to update. I'll make it short and update when time allow me to. =)

I saw my favourite handphone flew and slammed to the wall, with my own naked and teary eyes. I was crying and oblivious by what I had just did. Apparently, I was the one who threw my handphone over to the wall. Afterwhich, I cried as though I had just lost someone who is very precious to me.


It all happened when I had a minor argument with dad. I asked his permission to use the computer but he did not allow me with his excuses that I have not been studying. He also brought up the school matters, which I despised the most. I know I have not been attending school but I have never neglect my studies.


Without any further a do, I went inside my room and slammed the door real hard. I, myself got scared out of my wits when I heard the loud bang. Hahahahaha. Ok serious. So, I crash myself at my bed and cried even louder. I was seethe with impotent fury.


Few mintues later, dad unlocked the door and entered. I was not surprised to see my mom standing besides my dad. Both of them asked me why I cried. I did not answer. Instead, I shouted at dad. I sounded like a monster because I shouted very loudly, as though my voice box was going to come out of my mouth.


The reason why I went out of control was because, I felt stress. I was stressed with alot of things. My rusty chains of thoughts was rudely distracted. I felt lonely. There are some other reasons as to why I became like a monster but I rather not post it here because the list might not end if I do so. hahaha. Only boyfriend knew why. Oh ya, amid the heated argument I had with dad, I made boyfriend as one of my victims too. lol. I was crying when boyfriend called me. He was not aware of my situation until he heard my voice. He asked me why I cried, and so I told him. I was so mad that I shouted at him " aarrgh diam ah!!! ", and then I slammed my phone to the wall. Hahahahahaha. Im sorry boyfriend. =)



But do not worry. I am NORMAL now. All thanks to my most beloved boyfriend. I met him today over at pondok right after mugging. I was still moodless and am not in a good state of mind. My eyes still looked lost and sorrowful. My entire being was lifeless and worn. We sat down and silence grew within us. But boyfriend broke the silence and asked me what had happened to me yesterday. So I answered, " I lost my mind ".


Boyfriend advised me very wisely. After hearing all those wise words from him, I started to feel a burden of guilt weighing down on me. Tears started to flow and wet my cheeks as I felt an indescribable guilt. Being sweet, boyfriend looked at me and wipe those tears that scalded my eyes.


Oh well, enough of sorrowness and misery. Boyfriend had already taught me about patience and sincere and I am going to head his advice. Without it, I could have been walking on the wrong path and make the wrong decision. Boyfriend, you saved me when my world started to feel cold. You reached out for me when I nearly slipped. Therefore, I really want to thank you ALOT. I don't know how to repay your kindness but I know that I will. =)


Thats all for today.

My brain is tearing my whole life apart, I swear. I am in a critical state of mind. My train of thoughts had been rudely distracted and I am feeling very awful right now. I am freak out, over something that other peoples shouldn't know. But I know that I need to stay strong and believe in fate and faith.

My recurrent dreams are giving me a wild thoughts and I detest it alot. Oh come on Irah!! Exams are just in a blink of an eye. Don't be too distracted. Believe in Allah and not a particular book. Oh well, I need to stay strong and live my moments fully.


How I wish I could utter the word " FCUK YOU! " to someone. I have unbearable thoughts because of YOU. What on earth have you did or put into me huh?? UUUUrrrgghh!!! Get out of my life you s*cker!!!! Stop bumping into me or stop viewing my profile you arse!! .______.


I want to cry, so badly. I am afraid of losing someone whom I love, ALOT. I don't know what else to do except to stay strong and look on the bright side of life. I must think POSITIVE and be OPTIMISTIC. I know I can. But I think I need to cry first, let it all out and I will be ok. Hopefully!

Life is always a game. My game of life is getting tougher by the days. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going, am i right? I have no problem with my life actually. Everything is just as close to perfection. But there is one problem which irritates me alot.

School has always been a problem to me, a major one. I can't keep up with the distance which makes me sooo lazy to go school. Besides, the school environment suck to the core. Respective Maths and Bio teacher are not doing their best in teaching. One has a problem of maintaining her anger while the other has a problem of speech and speed of teaching. Most class go haywire and I fcuking hate it. Despite those haywire-ness, I still love my chemistry class the most. =) No doubt, I have the best chemistry teacher ever. Mr Maideen, he's the best! lol. I'm sincere okayy.

But but, I have doubts. Does it mean that I will not do well in exams when I did not come to school??? Oh gosh.. I don't know. I still prefer to revise on my own and practice more. Is it ok for me to do that?? or drag my ass to school and learn half-hearted???


Alright. Stop talking about school. My head will go crazy. Hahahaha. I love my life, simple. There are important peoples in my life which makes me live it to the fullest. I am blessed to have them with me. First, my little brother Muhammad. I love him like only god knows ok. I can't resist him, I swear. =)

Of course, my bf is important to me too. He's my everything. Without him, I don't know how I would go with my life. All this while, he's been my friend, bestfriend and also boyfriend. 3 in 1. I love him like I have never love someone before. He's the one, my one and only. Most importantly, he has my heart. =) I love you.

And last but not least, the most important peoples in my whole entire life is my family. They are my heart and soul and without them, I don't even exist in this world. They are my EVERYTHING, I swear. No one could ever replace them in my heart. =)

Obviously, those pretty ladies above are my laughing gas. My whole life shine so bright whenever they are there around me. Their presence are bless. Without them, I don't see any reason why I must live my life to the fullest. =)
Shyrawr will always be shyrawr. Love green and is very fickle minded. Hahaha. You may say I look " sombong ". Try and hook around with me and you'll know who shyrawr is. Hahaha. Convincing enough?? lol.

School is getting on my nerves. It never happen before and why it is happening now? School has been calling me whenever I'm absent. Seriously, what is their problem? It's PRIVATE
SCHOOL for goodness sake! It's not neighbouring school where every students need to wear school uniform and by hook or by crook need to reach school by 7.30pm or else students will get punished. I don't understand why Hannsfield have to do this kind of SHIT. Prelim is on the 26th August and I want to self-study, only for certain subjects, for example English.


No kidding, I love chemistry lesson. I have the best chemistry teacher ever and being in his class just makes me want to study hard for my chemistry paper. Mr Maideen is the best. I salute him. No doubt, I love english lesson too but I have yet to fall in love with it. Mr Ahmad( which is Mr Maideen's brother), is the most funniest english teacher I've ever met but I don't know why I have this thoughts of skipping the class. I am practically lazy to drag my ass off to school just for ENGLISH lesson when I can use that quality time practising maths, bio or chemistry. * nak step study smart lah kan. lol. But seriously, I am ALWAYS absent on Monday and Tuesday. Why?? Because there's english lesson. Instead of going english, I meet boyfriend and practice maths.


I am waiting patiently for the month of August to past by. Once it hit the month of September, I will be release from THAT school. My full time commitment is OVER, I repeat, OVER. By then, I would be the most happiest girl in the GALAXY. hahaha. Hmmm, not that happy though. O level have yet to commence and it's about to commence. Once I finish my O level, it will be my PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS already. Yeeaahhhaaaaa!!!!


I have more to say here but I rather keep it short and simple. The rest, I'll blurt it out some other time when I am free. Till here then.


I love my boyfriend soo much.

Let today and Sunday be the very last day for me to fool around. I said that last month but I failed to achieve it. It's sad, very sad. Like what Abg Faiz told me, " Never look back, just look infront and focus on what you have in store for your future. Looking back is not good because if you do, you will never move on. Learn to look on the bright side of life. Be strict ".


I couldn't agree more on that. I used to dwell on the past and am afraid of the future to come. My future, my fate is all written by one hand. Allah. I should not be afraid to dream and yearn for everything that I would like to see it happen in my lives.


There's this saying that goes:

" We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it's our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand ".


I envy those people who have completed their diploma and being able to hold that certificate infront of their families and friends. My time will come, insya'allah. I want to make someone's dream come true. Dad's dream. I will give all my hardwork and achieve it for you, insya'allah.

It has been a week now and I still feel lethargic. I'm always sleepy and exhausted. Is it due to the weather? or my body immune system is weak? I, myself have no answer to that.

O level is in 3 months time, to be exact. I have yet to get serious in my studies. I'm talking about practising my maths and science everyday. It's never too late but wasting the precious time given is never the way. Don't wait for miracle to strike. hahaha. =) Hopefully, I'll gain back my strength to work hard like I used to.


I'm currently piss with someone. Her words cannot be believe. First, she'll say YES but in a few minutes or hours to come, she change her mind and say " I'm sorry, I can't ". Fuck that to the core!!! Playing me?? I'll play you back. Ask for it, pay for it.


Again, I will be going out mugging alone. That's fine, I'm used to it. =) My saturday used to be filled with plans and all but this year saturdays suck, alot!! UUrggghhhhh. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I'm totally off the track and is not interested to talk to anybody. Crap! Crap! Crap!!!! ALL CRAP!!! Ohhh JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!