And I continue to write the love story...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The Unexpected.
It was rather a shocking news from doctor. It was like the LAST thing that we all would want it to happen, yet it did. Yesterday was the day doctor released the news that dearest aunt is diagnose with cancer. The cancer cells was founded in between the vagina and the rectum. Nurul broke down upon hearing the news. Grandma told her. I was there, hugging her. All I can do was to console her and told her that everything is going to be fine. Everything happens for a reason and if there's a will, there's a way. I believe it's genetic.
I feel her. She's very close with her mum. She shared almost EVERYTHING with her mom and I believe she loves her mom so much. I couldn't cure her mom's sickness but still, I can always be there for her when she's in need. Imma bet, dad is going to help too. I am so proud of my dad. :)
We're waiting for the results to be confirm that it's genetic. Hopefully it's NOT! -_______-''. But whatever the results is, we accept. I don't what I would do if this were to happen to one of my parents or worse, myself. gosh. Things can come so sudden yeah. :(
Enough said. I'm done here.. and for nurul. Please be patient yeah. Things doesn't happen without any reason. Have faith in your mom. She's can do it. And I'll be there for u when u're in need. I Love You Girl. ;)
10:07 PM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I tried to make my holidays as lively as before. But it turned out to be pretty ugly. Im broke and got no money to spend. That explains why I am stuck at home almost everyday. I hate to ask mum for money but sometimes, I really do need some fresh air. Friend's schooling. Don't bother.
Oh yar..and some "friend" of mine just USE me. Lau boring, picit aku. Lau tk boring, tak picit aku? Mcm sial kan tu namernyer. I am sick and tired of this uhh. To whoever who text me when you're bored, please uhh..I'm not going to entertain u guys. FUCK!!!! Geram siooool. I'm there for her and she did this to me. Baek punyer kwn uhh. I'm not anak patong and I have a freaking FEELINGS. YOU have one too. So please, get a life!!
Things changing and I'm trying to suit myself to the changes. Urrrrggghhhh, this is life. So I have to accept it and face it. I don't feel important anymore uhh. But wth, I don't care. I just can't wait to start working. I'll keep myself busy so that I'll not be a clingy girlfriend anymore. Whatever that happens, I'll let it happen. MALAS nk amek tau. I don't want to be the one that is concern. haaiizzz. sedih sia aku this past few days. can't help it but to cry. Atleast, I feel a lot better.
HAAAAAIZZZZZ. :(
7:10 AM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.
Friday, November 21, 2008
I believe I am not spoilt. I believe my parents has brought me up very well. It's just that I am too pampered till I want things to go my way, everyday. So I guess that is where I need to change. Change for the better. :)
Sometimes when I get bored, I tend to lose my nerves and get moody. That explains why I complain. Alot of times and yes, over small things. Dramatic. Maybe yes, I agree. You see, I hate to sit at home because I seriously got nothing to do. I want to refrain myself from playing computer and frankly speaking, I feel that I am addicted to it. That is not something positive. Agree??
But please, SPOILT is too mean for me. My attitude doesnt fit it's definition. I don't drink, I am not a regular smoker. I am not materialistic. I complain but not the QUEEEN. I'm not a slut nor a bitch. I don't change boyfriend like how I change my shirt or shoes or slippers. I AM JUST TOO PAMPERED. That's it. Pampered is not equivalent to spoilt! Don't you agree???
But then again, I really need to fix that part of my attitude. I don't want to be perfect, I just want to improve. Who doesnt? I'm competitive anyway. hahahahaha. Alright then. Enough said because talk is cheap. Agree??
To end it off, im going to JDI.
5:21 AM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
My Future. :)
I don't want to compare you with any other guy out there. But believe me when I say this, you are unique. It's true that I love you but each words I said cannot compare the to the undescriable feelings I have for you, my dearest sweetheart. It's amazing to be with you each day. Those uphills and downhills we encounter harden the knots. I will never ever want to lose you because trust me, no one is equivalent to you MOHD SHAHRIN, no one. You are who you are and it's impossible for me to get a replacement. I don't want to search either because I know that the one whom I love with all my heart is there,right infront of me, my eyes and is inside my heart. I don't have to search anymore. In my life, nothing is impossible but to get you replace IS IMPOSSIBLE and I don't want to. I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH. ;)
Your smile and your laughters is really the remedy to my heart. I love the way you chuckles because I swear to god you look adorable. That put a smile on my face. I can never get any boyfriend who is so sweet like you. None out there could defeat you. NONE. None out there knows me like how you know me. None out there could give me what I need except you. None out there could give me pinky2 like how you give. None out there could give me those hugs and kisses that you give to me everyday when we meet, without fail. None out there knows my attitude like you do. None out there knows what's deep inside me unlike you. None out there could put a smile on my face like how you do. None out there knows what underpants I wore ;). None out there could treat me like how you treat me, like a princess. None out there could understand me, understand my reaction like you do. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, None out there stole my heart like how you stole mine. NONE. I LOVE YOU. ;)
Each time I lay down next to you, how I wish you were certifically mine. I always wish that time would fly so fast till the time you ask me to be your wife. I want to dedicate my life to you. I want to cook for you, sleep with you. I want to stay in the same roof with you, share the same room and have the same ring on our fingers. I have always treat you more than just a boyfriend. Sometimes, I wish that RIGHT NOW, you were mine. I love you dear. I really do. Not even my parents knows how much I love you. I will always wait till the time that I have been waiting for. The day whereby you will propose to me. hahahaha ;) Oh gosh my dear Shahrin, I can't help it but to say this over and over again. I LOVE YOU. ;)
It might be too early to think that way but yes, I really am. But don't worry. I am not going to waste my future just like that. I will study hard and work hard together with you. I will grow together with you and get those high and qualified cetificates with you, hand in hand. I will give my best in studies and at least get a degree, not just for me and my family but also for YOU. I will not waste my time at any stupid entertainments. I will always think of you. And everything that I will achieved or had achieved, it's all for my family and also YOU. I want us to have the brightest future in the world and never will I stop you from achieving your biggest dream. I will always be there for you support you in whatever you do. ( tapi mestilah yang halal ok? hehehe ) I am going to stand right next to you and support you. I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH. ;)
Friends have been drilling me with statements such as " it's too young to be in a serious relationship " and " it's too early to think for the future. Enjoy first! " but HECK. I ain't gonna fall for their words because that is THEM. Not me. They don't feel how I feel and I believe we WILL prevail. Shahrin, hold me and walk those journey with me. because I WILL PROMISE you that I will. ;) trust that word " promise " cause I mean it.
Last but not least, I Love You Soo Much. Grow old with me hunn. ;)
2:58 AM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I really admire boyfriend. He's different, definitely. I admire his patience attitude and some other attitude of his that I can't possibly describe it with words. He can be very strict, nasty but after all..that's his weaknesses and have yet to improve on it.
Since sec 3, I had this strong feeling that my Mohd Shahrin is different. Different from any other guys whom I know. He's unique in his own ways. He's not the type of guy who would hang out with his boyfriends and totally forget about his gf. I can see that I am his first priority. He is really different.
At times, as he rest his head on my shoulder and sleep, I cannot help but to gaze lovingly at the man whom I love with all my heart. I am the most blessed person ever to have such a companion like him. Where do I find someone like him who love me unconditionally in spite of all my weaknesses and faults? Shahrin will always be Shahrin. No one is ever going to be like him.
There's no where else he'd rather be or anything else he's rather do than to be with me. :) I truly want to be with him and grom old with him, hand in hand..
Dearest, thanks for being a wonderful Shahrin. You bring out the best in me. Who I am today is partly because of you. I Love You Soo very Much. :)
9:39 PM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Journey of life is not always filled with rainbows and butterflies. Bittersweet memories always present. There is NOT a day where everything is PERFECT.
Our books have been written closely by the heart and by the everyday life, chapter by chapter. Our books increases its pages and gets thicker by the minutes or by the seconds. In our chapter, the feeling of HURT can never be avoided and one way or another, we felt it; experience.
In our previous chapter, we both were severely hurt by our love ones, making everything slows down. I have to be strong. I have to pull through. if only the pages can be ripped ; but than again, the meaning of MEMORIES will fade in the dictionary.
All I'm asking for is to assure me that you will be there for me when I need you. YOU need me as much as I need you. This is not and never a game in the first place. falling for you is unavoidable. It happens. I'm human after all.
Speaking of human, I do have feelings of insecurities.
ASSURE ME, PLEASE.
3:33 AM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.
True feelings are not meant to be shared. Don't you think so? It is meant to be kept. And I guess, true feelings can never be describe with words. No matter how hard you tried, you failed. Well, it's actually true to me. I tried, but failed countless of times. Give up? I'm on my way to the road of giving up. Hold on?? I already did but it leads me to that road, Giving Up. In my life, I never Give Up. I complain but never did I give up. But I guess, today, some things must be put a side because it's not worth working on it.
I Quit sharing.What's happening to me? I am not sure myself diary. It has been a rough week for me to settle down. 4 days at home and it bore my soul. I still have my o level paper which will commence on the 11th of November. It's the last paper. I'm glad. :)
Feelings. Nobody can feel how others feel. yah? but the least thing you can do is, to understand it. Uuuuurgh. I seriously hate my life this year. I really do. Friends, Families, relationships. I treasure those sweet moments I had. I will never forget it.
I want to know what love is.
2:55 AM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
For the first time in my life this year, I never got so shocked. Yesterday was that first time. I couldnt really believed what I had just heard over the phone. I calmed myself down, but with extremely fast heartbeats. After that, I don't wish to blurt what happened.
Yes boyfriend, I'm hurt. Deeply. But eventhough with all my pathetic conversations I had with you today, my heart still belongs to you. But for now, I really need time to heal my wounds. It was the first time, this year, that I felt so hurt and I hope you could understand. Rumours, I hate it. I have been encountering with rumours for the past 4 years during my previous relationships. Rumours got me so hurt and rumours itself got me tangled. I seriously have no idea why people would talk about me, trying to take away the happiness that I build. I don't understand why. I had struggled with it and I suffered to get out of it. I just wish that it won't happened again. Once is enough. No more.
I'm trying my best to get my mind straight. I want to forget about it but it keep on appearing again and again. I am weak at this and I know I must not let it stray. My love for you is like the wind, you may not see it but you can always feel it.
Dissapointment. Tell me who doesn't bump into that? Everyone does. yeah?? My life is my own movie and I am not going to jeopardize that. Feeling dissapointed is what I would never want to feel. But this is reality. Face it. I know that I'm brave enough.
I want to be with the one I KNOW.
Good nite. :)
8:02 AM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Are bestfriend important in this world? I keep on searching for the right one but ended up feeling dissapointed. I tried to make my sister as my bestfriend but naaah, she's not the one and she can't be the one. How I wish I could rewind back my life to where it was all happy and joyous. 2008 isn't the year that I enjoyed the most. I am looking forward to 2009. :)
Friends, they are not permanent, to me. Once you start a family, they are the one that will be permanent to us. Uurgh, I hate to talk about friendship. It makes me sick in the head.
9:20 PM
Yours truly.
Yours truly.