Life in the year of 2008 is of course a blessing for me, because I have my family and my boyfriend with me. That complete my world, really. Everything seems to be smooth sailing.

Eventually, not EVERYTHING is smooth. My O level results were not good enough for me to

meet the Polytechnic requirements. My hopes were all crushed. I regretted. Probably because I

wasn't paying attention in class and I waste most of my time doing something useless, for example, blogging, slacking and more. Instead of going to Polytechnic, I got a place in ITE SIMEI. At first, I thought that it would be just fine. Soon after, I realised that it is not where I want to be. It is not in my wish list. So I decided to give myself a second chance and re-take O level this year. Yes, I am now learning and schooling at Hannsfield Bussiness and Training School. I was half -hearted to enroll myself there because if I enroll, Dad has to pay $2375. Again, he is wasting money on me. If I would have study hard last year and did well for my O's, this incident will not happened. Oh well, it was too little too late to regret over something that had already happened. I can't turned back the time. Only if I could. First day of school was fine. I was so lucky to have both Nadiah and Zimah together with me. Once again, they are my classmates. The following week went a-okay but soon after, I tend to get irritated easily. I couldn't concentrate on my studies probably because of some reason. I am not writting it here because I wouldn't want to hurt anybody's feeling. Some of my classmates were very noisy and rowdy. After awhile, I noticed something different. I am not like before. I am no longer noisy in class. I become more serious and I joke less. It is really not me. I have no idea why but I just feel lonely and neglected. I don't really make friends there because most of my classmates are boys and I don't want bf to think that I am flirting with them if I started to befriend with them. I really want to but the fact that I already have a boyfriend, it really makes me think twice. Therefore, I felt rather lonely. I am not that close with Zimah and Nadz anymore. Everyday after school, I always get seperated by them. Both of them went out slacking with the boys while I get myself over to bp and meet boyfriend. I missed out a lot. Probably because I spent less time with them. I really want to spend time with them but to think of it, I rather not. I rather not waste my time slacking when I can actually use that time revising at home.

Currently, I just feel like giving up. I feel so left out. Most of my friends get to the school that they want but as for me, I ended up in a totally different school whereby all the teachers treat us like an adult. Homework is not compulsory and you don't get a punishment if you did not do. The teachers don't bother anyway. But hey, I cannot always be too dependant on teachers. I must learn how to study by myself. But the point is, I have no study partner. Zimah and Nadz is totally out of the list because if I study with them, we will end up having talking session. Not good. Who else would want to study with me. Mubin is busy with his own life. Sister is concentrating on her art coursework. Boyfriend has yet to decide the DPA results. I hope he get to Republic Poly and make full use of his time there, eventhough I might feel a bit jealous towards him but I am still happy for him. What I want now is a partner who can guide me in studies. Not only myself but to guide the both of us.

My character is unpredictable lately. Something is disturbing me. I don't want to let it out to anyone because if I do, someone's going to feel sad or worse, get hurt. Keeping a problem to myself is tough I must say. It took away all my happiness. I am no longer a fun person. I can be fun but not everytime. I have a lot in my mind right now. One day, I really have to get rid all those negative thouhgts in my mind. It's a MUST. I cannot give way to my emotions. I cannot let my emotions take over me. I have the right to take control of emotions and situations. This is my life.

Sometimes, I just thought that no one could understand me except for myself BUT I somehow can understand people's feeling. I got no one to turn to in order for me to share my thoughts. Friends?? I don't think they can. Family?? They are too busy with their own life. Boyfriend?? Hmmmm..I am not so sure. I don't want to trouble him. He has his own problems to settle. Haizz.

Oh well, nevermind. This is just a matter of time. Everything will be fine once I am settle down. I make sure that I will clear all my doubts and find back all my happiness. It is all mind over matters. If there is a will, there will always be a way.

6:22 AM
Yours truly.