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Syaa
Hii
Rawr And I continue to write the love story... |
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Monday, June 9, 2008
Allah all mighty is giving me a test. A test that test my patience,faith,determination and my strength. The most tedious and complicated test among all the test that I've been through before. I can't find any helping hands from anyone else in this world except from HIM, Allah the all mighty. The year of 2008 is snatching away all my precious things AGAIN. I've had enough of last year disaster but I will be going through it again this year.FUCK. I am not trying to be emoshit, I'm just here to share whats on my mind and how I am feeling. I feel the lost. Lost of everything I used to have. The company, activities, vibe, sports and everything that I love and treasure. I miss my softball trainings, softball tournaments,softball players,coaches,gloves,balls,intensive trainings and more. Moreover, I miss the joy and the laughter of the team the most. I also miss myself having a good stamina, hand toning and not to forget, my stomache abs. I feel very weak this year. Very PATHETIC. I have no sports to keep me healthy. No trainings to keep me fit. No competitor. Somehow, I am not what I used to be. I want to be that active and competitive girl again. That is ME, SYAHIRAH. I miss school activities. Cross country, sports day, teacher's day, concert, national day, school parade and more. Those activities somehow made my life so lively you see, compare to this year. Very dull and boring. No Life. I miss the company, especially izzianie, mas and sasha. Not to forget, my rowdy and fun class, 4E5. I miss the bitching sessions I had with the 3 babes, and also the baking and cooking at sasha's crib. I miss the jokes and the laughters the most, like duhh!!!! I also miss the hang outs we had after school. Skipping extra lessons and scolding from teachers, chatting with Mr Ng is greatly missed by me. I miss ALOT of things. I can never forget art lesson. That's the best eventhough it might be very stressful. I miss the cooking of maggie, painting, cutting, scolding from ms cheryl, printing, colouring and more!!! All of the things I miss above add LIVE to my life. It completes everything. In this world, the small little things that we did IS the extraordinary things that will be missed by alot of people. BUT some people don't realised. I realised it and that is the main reason why I am acting like this. I am like a solitary figure with no heartbeats. It's like, I am not ALIVE. Get it?? SPORTS, ACTIVITIES, FRIENDS, is my HEARTBEATS. It keep me alive and lively. Without them, I feel so incomplete. What I have described above was 3 years back. When I was in sec 1, 2, 3 and half of sec 4. I hate the way I lead my life this year. I have NOTHING. No sports, company, activities and more. And therefore, I am not being MYSELF!! Everything I do is so PRIVATE. That is the the reason why I hate private school. No life at all. The people are BOOOORING and MATREP/MINAH REP. I hate them. They are a bunch of lame people. Sick in the head. Very irritating. There are lessons everyday! Boring lessons with boring classmates!! WTH!!! I can't live with it because I don't live my life in that situation. No activities at all!!!! uuuurghhh!!!! Obviously there's no sports to keep me fit and healthy, because it's PRIVATE. Fuck the word PRIVATE laah!!!!!! Im not ANTI-SOCIAL okayy and I dont mix with lame and boring people. Blueak!!!!! And I'm still living under O level shadow AGAIN and Im with ZIMAH and NADZ AGAIN!! Urrghh!! I want something new in my life this year laahhh. My classmates is not ACTIVE and SPORTY at all laahh. I dont want to be in that school!! Boohooo!!!! Banyak muker MLAYU sak!! Aku bukan racist seii.. Oh yar, you people may think that I have ZIMAH and NADZ right?? Let me tell you, from my experienced and observation..THEY are not my friends. To be exact, they are my GREATEST ENEMY and my COMPETITORS. A negative competitor I must say. They dont fit to be my competitor at all lahh. They are not worth fighting for. They dont fit the bill. =) And to have them as my classmates just worsen the situation. Best per!!! Best kebabai!!!! BUT, BUT, BUT..those explanation above does not mean that I blame the school, the classmates. Infact, I blame myself because it is ME who let it happen. If I were to study hard last year, I would be in Polytechnic with brand new life and brand new friends, new sports to take part and ALOT of activities to participate. The " private life " won't happen. I am MAD, FURIOUS, IRRITATED at myself for letting this happen. And NOW, I am dwelling on it which is NOT OKAYY!!!!! Bla bla bla bla....HAIZZZZ..... PHEW!!! Everything is out, I guess. So I shall end it here then. Toodles. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!!
1:29 AM
Yours truly. |
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