It has been 2 days already but the wounds have yet to heal. My heart and feelings that is. He said he was sorry but that word no longer has its effect. It's no longer a catalyst that's suppose to speed up the rate of my broken heart.

I feel lonely, no doubt. My brain is not functioning at all. I opened the maths ten years series but I could do none. Thanks to my brain that is teeming with so many questions and also credits to my feelings that is so dampened. Nothing that I can do to cheer myself up. I danced, played carom, psp,listened to musics but none of them work.

Saying that he's sorry is different thing. I cannot see his effort of cheering me up. I'm down and he's talking to me on the phone as long as 30 secs. Tell me, will that help?? Oh god. Of course not. The last time he called me was at 12 noon and I heard nothing from him up till now. Yes, he is busy with his house painting. I understood. But I could not see the effort. No point saying sorry when he did NOTHING.

I am so disspointed and I could not really do anything much. I will be seeing him tomorrow for tutoring but I am not sure if I will be the happy and bubbly Irah when I meet him. I don't want to pretend anymore. I am hurt, so deeply. I felt as though a knife had just pierced through my heart. I swear. The pain is killing me and is taking all my energy away. Fuck that!!!!

I want my happiness back and I'm not sure that HE could return it back to me. Honestly, It's hard for me to trust his words anymore. He didn't mean it. If he really mean it, he do as what he had said even at any circumstances.


I am waiting for you to call. Always waiting.
I am waiting for you to make the move.
I am waiting for you to bring that same old smile on my face.
I am waiting for you to give me that looooong call.

I'll sit here.
Waiting patiently.
Don't make me wait that long.

I don't want to hurt myself.
I'm suffocate, really bad.

I hope you'll help me.
Help me untie all those entangle strings in me.
Please answer my aid. =(