It was a serene day for me today. I went to school without any doubts and I enjoyed talking to my friends. I began to appreciate friends no matter how mischievious they can be. I was in a buoyant spirits, I swear.


Those buoyant spirits cling on to me through out the day until I met boyfriend. The feelings started to crumbled when I first saw boyfriend's sight. I was distraught. I gave a long sigh before proceeding over to meet him. Those hurtful words he had uttered appeared in my mind and that made me feel half-hearted to see him. From a distance, I could see him sitting down on the library floor while doing his maths assesment book. Half of me felt like giving him a hug from behind and forget about whatever he had said but the another half of me still dwell on those harsh words that eventually made me feel reluctant to stay cheerful.


I proceed over to him and gave him the hand gesture I used to give. He smiled. His smile is the sweetest smile I have ever seen yet, I still felt sad deep within. He doesn't have to know it. We chatted for awhile and then he packed his bag and we made our way over to the coffeeshop we usually go for our breakfast. It was there that I started to show attitude. He observed me and asked me why in the hell did I behave that way. I mute myself, not wanting to speak. The only word I uttered was " nothing ". That is when the cold war started between the two of us. We were practically silent until we reached the study corner located at Bukit Batok.


We were both busy doing our maths when I paused for awhile and stole a glanced at him, without him noticing it. When I looked and stared at him, I felt the burden of guilt weighing down on me for not talking to him that much and for showing improper attitudes. I did not even blink my eyes while staring at him. I just love to stare at him. It gives me the sensation of a beautiful feelings that no one could ever feel except for me. I really did not want to be rude with him. I want to feel happy with him and I want to feel love by him, but I was too dissapointed.When I first looked at him, I just felt like smiling at him, hugging him, kissing him on his cheeks and be happy with him but when I took a second glanced, my heart sank down on the floor. I wanted him to be the person for me to share all my doubts, problems,secrets and more but whenever I did, I somehow make him feel so stressed up. I feel that I am giving him a big headache when I share my thoughts and feelings with him. Do I really have alot of problems?? I seriously don't want a solution from him, I just want a pair of listening ear. I have alot of complains you see but after all those arguments I had with him, I don't think I want to share anymore. Yeah, people have their own problems so why share our problems with them. I don't want to double the load that boyfriend's carrying. I want him to be stress free. Kenapelah aku ni suker sangat share problem kat rein. Haiyaaaaa. Maybe I really have no one else to share except for him. I pity him. That is the reason why I don't want to share my feelings, thought and problems anymore unless he's able to. No doubt, I will always be there to hear all his problems. I loooove to hear people's problems so that I can help them. =)


After a few minutes of staring at him, I guess I just have to let go all my dissapointment. So I stopped what I was doing and when over to him and hugged him from behind. I felt a huge pang of satisfaction. I miss him alot. I really can't describe how I felt when I hugged him but it's the bestest feeling I've ever encounter. I felt relief. Behind all those sadness of mine, I really do miss all the happy moments we had together when sharing was not a problem at all. After all, I really do love him so much. I really want us to be the most understanding couple and of course the most happy and closest couple of all. I want to share all of my happiness and sorrowness with him but I guess, happiness is enough. Let me alone encounter my sorrowness if I have one, in the future to come.


Haaizz. I hate it this way. Who doesnt?? Every girls want their boyfriends to be the only person whom they can share all their thoughts and feelings. Nevermind, I will get hang of it. =)


Alright then. I'll stop here for now and continue i-dont-know-when. hahahaha. Toodles.